31 Comments

  1. The story about your sister made my heart hurt. That is so sad / mean, what is wrong with people? I was actually just telling my husband yesterday that I was proud of myself for making a new mom friend, because I am also shy and introverted and don’t usually put myself out there. I think I just got lucky though because the first time I went to the library’s story time, I happened to sit next to a really nice lady who had just moved here and was clearly also looking to make friends. After reading this, I’m going to make sure to look out for new moms who come to the group though and make an effort to reach out. It’s so important to have people who can relate to what we’re going through!

    • Annie

      I know… I am not sure why that group was so harsh but I hope she has a better experience next time. And thats great making a new friend! I know how hard it is, I truly don’t love going out of my comfort zone to interact with others, tending to keep to myself.

  2. I’m not sure why we are so unwelcoming and resistant to expanding our circles. As a consultant who works with groups and teams, I believe it is something in our DNA connected to early survival skills. As a mom, it makes me sad.

    • Annie

      It makes me sad too. And hopeful that because I am shy I don’t come off as stand off ish to others

  3. Christina Rodriguez

    It really is hard! Lots of times Mom’s join the groups or classes with friends and that’s who they stick with. The story you told about your sister almost made me cry. That’s terrible! I would have been sooooo upset.

    We still need to get the kids together! And I’m always willing to go out for a glass of wine with you hun!!!

    • Annie

      Yes that’s how I feel too, a few moms sign up together and then don’t try to meet other people. And I felt so bad for her, I was on my lunch break at work and almost didn’t have time to talk to her but was so glad I did, she was so upset!
      And I know we still need to get together! The nice weather is coming… park dates? And the splash pad!!! So excited for that this year!

  4. Lily

    Thanks Sissy!

    I joined a couple meet up groups last night. I’m going to one on Thursday morning. Hopefully I’ll have a better experience. This one is a walking group, more my style.

    • Annie

      Oh good!! I think you will love it! Just be yourself and forget about that last bad experience!

    • Kate

      Keep at it. Don’t let judgemental, small minded people stop your reaching out. You will find your people! You are both loving, smart and all around awesome moms!

  5. Dawn

    Ugh! This brings back so many memories of those early days/years of motherhood, of trying to make new connections and being rejected or sidelined. I think there are so, so many women that go through this though, so you/we are not alone. I found that it was particularly hard to make new mom friends in the suburbs of Boston. I found that people kind of already had their friends that they knew from high school or growing up in that small city and it was very, very hard as an introvert to break in. For me, I did connect with some new moms at our local newborn hospital group but once I went back to work, I found myself marginalized. It wasn’t until we got to the preschool years that I was able to form new, lasting friendships with a great group of new mom friends.

    I agree that your list is a great place to start, I would also add Next Door (a newish social network for neighborhood connections – do you have it in your area, yet?). It’s sort of like Meetup but hyper local and I see new moms looking for connection (walking groups, tea time, baby play dates) all the time. Once the kids are big enough, I highly recommend a co-op preschool if you can swing it (both in terms of time commitment and your personal preferences/finances). The socialization for both mom and baby was well worth the time and money investment.

    • Annie

      Oh cool Ive never heard of Next Door, thanks for the tip! It is definitely hard in small towns like where we are and just Boston in general. Everyone says once the kids are in school/sports it does get a bit easier!

  6. That breaks my heart for her, and definitely reminds me of similar feelings! Being a new mom is HARD ENOUGH, and especially being in a new place, it’s frustrating that other moms aren’t as welcoming as you would think. I hope she gives it another shot. But, by the sounds of it maybe those aren’t the moms she needs to be friends with anyways! I’m so nervous for when we move later this year – I think it’s going to be a real culture shock going from knowing people everywhere to really feeling like the new kid in school!

    • Annie

      Oooh where are you moving!? At least with blogging and your photography you will constantly be interacting with others and hopefully meeting people as well!!

  7. Jaimee

    This was an amazing topic to discuss. I have left a playgroup before crying as well. It is a hard experience getting out there to meet mom friends. I have recently finally found a couple that feel like my first real true true mom friends… its only taken 6 qnd a half years now.. friend that are not in the same place in life def say they get it, say they are here to talk, but really its never going to be the right fit, they never actually follow through and show up when they are suppose to because in their minds what they found to do instead is better but to us a relaxing family night with ordering out and a movie with no argueing or whining is an awesome amazing saturday night… we need people who know what we are going through on a daily basis. We need that connection! Thanks for sharing this today! -Jaimee

    • Annie

      A night with takeout at home is my favorite!!! Finding friends is definitely hard but I’m glad you were able to 🙂

  8. oh my gosh. i’m so sorry that happened to your sister. so freaking rude. i would’ve been her friend and comforted her. being a military wife, moving is inevitable. cliquey women and “elite mom groups” are the norm around army bases. normally i don’t go around that because its just so dramatic. tell her not to give up, she’ll find her “squad” soon. all my love!

    • Annie

      That seems hard, moving so often and meeting new people but also kind of fun! She told me she’s going to try a new group later this week so hopefully she’ll find the right friends!

  9. I am not a mom but making friends are hard in any aspect of life and much of what you stated can be applied in non-mom lives 🙂

    • Annie

      So true!! I’m glad you pointed that out. I’ve always struggled making friends and putting myself out there, it’s just awkward and uncomfortable

  10. jomazorl

    I had an amazing group of friends when my kids were small then we all parted ways as we were military wives and life happens. Now my kids are all in school and we are moving to a new town and I’m petrified of making friends. It was so easy when they were toddlers I’m not sure what to expect now.

    • Annie

      Oh gosh that sounds intimidating! I find making friends in general scary and hard but maybe just putting yourself into classes or things you like will help! Like any classes at the gym or barre? Good luck!!

  11. OMG, loved this post! The story of your sister made me sad, although, I wasn’t surprised coz i’ve heard a lot of stories where mums where hostile towards other mums. Making mum friends is definitely not easy – not sure why we make it that way.
    I joined groups and took classes when my toddler was a baby. I went there to meet people and pass time really but I made friends in the process which has been great.

    • Annie

      I’m so glad you were able to make good friends at your classes! It’s sad to me she had such a bad experience but I think in general a lot of moms go to classes to socialize and meet others!

  12. Such a tough story to read about your sister! Good for her for hanging in there! I think your advice on trying to start new to you things in the beginning is good. I love all your tips. I met a lot of my mom friends at storytime. I’ve also met several friends just walking around neighborhood and being intentional to stop and say hi, ask their names, and about their kids. It can be had especially in a new place, but I don’t know anyone who can mom alone. It really does take a whole village!

    • Annie

      It really is all just about putting yourself out there which isn’t easy but it does pay off! It sure does take a village!

  13. That’s so cruel how they were to your sister, people are so inconsiderate.

    I haven’t had my little one yet, but once I have her I am hoping to meet some mommy friends outside of the internet! I’m nervous, but excited as well.

    • Annie

      I think my sister met a bad batch! Congrats on the baby! It’s definitely nice to find other moms to connect with!

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